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Everyone experiences painful differences with others. Yet most of us get little help as youth or adults on how to manage differences. We figure out a few things by trial and error, but we are often confused and hurt by what happens in conflicts.
Style Matters is a conflict style inventory that gives specific, practical help for dealing with differences:
A snapshot of your patterns of dealing with conflict, your conflict style.
A summary of the strengths and weaknesses that come with your unique conflict style.
Suggestions for optimizing your conflict style.
Pointers for choosing the best style for the situation you are in.
Suggestions for partners and colleagues who want to support you in functioning at your best in difficult moments.
You will need 5-15 minutes to take the inventory. Remember that: - There are no "right" or "wrong" answers. - You're snapping a picture, not taking a test. - No assessment tool is perfect, including this one. - No one is set in stone, including you.
You can take this inventory in one of two ways. In answering the questions think about either:
Interesting cultural dynamics influence which set of instructions people prefer. If you are curious, you can learn about them here.
Think about your typical responses when your wishes differ from those of another person. Though there may be exceptions, what is typical for you? Your “gut-level response” is likely to be most accurate. For each question, choose the number between 1 (Rarely) and 7 (Usually) that best describes what you actually do.
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Choose one context for answering the questions. For example, select a person or particular kind of relationship (co-workers of same status as you, personal friends, a committee in your religious community, etc.) with whom you have experienced disagreements or conflict. Think about your responses in this situation as you answer the questions, choosing the number between 1 (Rarely) and 7 (Usually) that best describes what you actually do.
When you have chosen the instruction set you prefer, click on the button above and go to the inventory. If, after answering a few questions, the instruction set you chose doesn't feel "right" for you and you prefer to use the other instruction set instead, click the Back button on your browser till you are back at the first question and start over. After you have answered the twenty questions, you can re-take the inventory up to two additional times if you want to choose a different instruction set. (Look for the blue Retake button at the end).
