Conflict Management Starts with Self Management

 About Scoring High in Harmonizing in Storm 

This suggests that when tension is high, you make effort to please the other person and keep the relationship strong, rather than pressing ahead with your own agenda. Harmonizing has a particular set of strengths and weaknesses that you should be aware of.

Harmonizing has Valuable Strengths

Characteristics of this style include:

• Flexible, adaptable, accommodating.
• Sociable; gets along well with others.
• Easy-going and pleasant.
• Others feel valued and respected.
• Sensitive to the needs of others.

But Don't Over-Use It

If you use Harmonizing when other styles are called for, the consequences can be difficult:

• Accumulating resentment towards those you are trying to please, leading to...
• Reduced interest and enthusiasm on your part for relationships in which your needs are overlooked; 
• Depression, if your needs and opinions are never recognized;
• Lack of direction or principle if you never take a stand on things important to you;
• Continuation of things that ought to be challenged; or
• Failure to advocate for or protect others in your care.
  

If you don't mind laughing at your tendencies, you might enjoy this hilariously exaggerated presentation of over-use of Harmonizing in a six-minute Saturday Night Live clip. 

Take Steps to Maintain Balance

You can take special measures so you experience more of the benefits of wise use of Harmonizing and fewer of the costs of overuse.

• Expand your use of other styles so you are less likely to over-use Harmonizing. Pay special attention to the Cooperating style, which draws on relational skills you already have but adds greater assertiveness about your own needs.
• Prepare for discussion by thinking through carefully what you value or need. Your relational orientation may make it difficult to think in the heat of difficult discussion. Thinking things through in advance will make it easier to hold out for things important to you.
• Strengthen assertiveness skills. With practice you can develop confidence in your ability to assert what you need without damaging relationships. Roleplaying these skills is particularly helpful in learning them.
• Create a Personal Mission Statement. People of all styles benefit from this, but creating a private written statement of your life's major purposes is likely to benefit you especially, by identifying personal anchors to stick to when others make demands.
• Create a small reference group of wise and trusted friends to consult with about a major conflict. Harmonizers gain strength in relationships. Be proactive about organizing time with people who will support you and help you to "stay the course" when necessary.
• Establish practices and routines of self-care. Stress and tension wear down everyone, but Harmonizers may be more vulnerable than others. When you have important negotiations, try to be well-rested, schedule frequent breaks, and keep discussions to a moderate length.

Support Strategies for Harmonizers