Expanded Report for

Introduction

This report draws together important insights from the Style Matters tutorial and organizes them according to your scores so that the information about your key styles is easily available to you.

The report assumes that you have already received an introduction to conflict styles. If you have not, we recommend that you first take a few minutes and:
a) View the 5 minute slide show presentation Introduction to Conflict Styles (also found at page bottom at www.RiverhouseEpress.com)
b) If possible, spend an additional 10-30 minutes working through the tutorial on the Riverhouse site. If you have just completed the conflict style inventory and are still on the web site, simply click here and continue to the tutorial. If you have already left the site, go to www.RiverhouseEpress.com and login at lower left. Then click here, or navigate to the top menu item, Tutorial on Your Styles.

In this Expanded Report you will find:
a) A chart of your scores in all the styles;
b) A summary of the styles to which, according to your scores, you should pay the most attention;
c) Detailed information about the style for which you scored highest in Storm settings. Since this is the style you are most likely to use when you are under stress, it is particularly important to understand this style well.
d) Detailed information about the style in which you score the lowest in Calm. Getting better acquainted with this style is likely to expand the range of styles you are able to use effectively, since you seem to use it least, even in the favorable environment of low stress settings.
e) Comments about your "Storm Shift", that is, the extent to which your response to conflict changes when you are getting frustrated.
f) A list of resources for further learning about conflict styles.

Your Conflict Styles in Order of Preference

Below is a list of conflict styles, arranged in the order in which you are likely to use them. The list on the left shows your preferences when things are Calm, that is, in everyday disagreements that have not raised emotions to a high level. On the right are the styles in your order of preference in Storm, when anger and frustration are high.

Styles to Study with Particular Care

Preferred Style. The style you use the most in Storm is: 7 Cooperating. Give your best attention to this style, for it is the one most active when you are under high stress. Knowing its strengths and dangers is important. You will also want to review the list of things that others around you can do to support you to function at your best.

Least Preferred Style. The style you use the least in Calm is: 0 Avoiding. Studying this style, particularly recognizing its strengths, is likely to expand your range of response in conflict.

Storm Shift. The style that changes the most for you when you shift from Calm into Storm mode is: Harmonizing Styles goes down by 9 points. The Storm shift can be important because you may surprise and confuse people if there is a drastic change in your styles when you move into Storm mode.

You Scored Highest in Storm in the Cooperating Style

This suggests that when stress and tension are high, you try to create a discussion in which both sides openly present their views or needs and then work intensively to find solutions that address these fully. People who score high in Cooperating bring unusual confidence to conflict, the belief that it is possible to meet the needs of everyone if people will talk things through.  Like all the styles, Cooperating has a particular set of strengths and weaknesses that you should be aware of.

Strengths of Cooperating

Strengths associated with wise use of this style are many:
-  An attitude of confidence and optimism.  People who favor Cooperating have unusual confidence that "we can work things out".  Their hopefulness can be a gift to others.
-  Leads to strong teams. Cooperating is committed to both task and relationship.  Partners and teams who use it well become strong units; the work gets done in a thorough way and the people involved enjoy good relationships.
-  Innovation and creativity. Solutions that nobody had thought of before often emerge in the intense, interactive, respectful probing typical of a Cooperating style.
-  Skill at talking things through.  It's impossible to use Cooperating well unless you develop special skills for talking things through.  Though they are not always even aware they have them, people good at Cooperating often possess these skills, learned by trial and error or through good modeling of parents or teachers.
- Endurance. People who score high in Cooperating often have unusual stamina for talking things through.  They know from experience that it takes time to find solutions that work well for everyone.  They have the confidence to present their own unique views and the courage to keep talking even when others disagree.   They help others not to lose hope in the possibility of finding peace even in the midst of big differences. 
-  Personal growth.  People who use Cooperating a lot are constantly challenged to develop new abilities and knowledge.  They develop confidence that they can solve problems and they reach for more.   Their confidence and their attitude towards others encourages similar growth in those around them.
-  Trust between people. When teams or groups use Cooperating successfully, their confidence in each other grows.  The feeling is: We can deal with our issues.....

Costs of Unwise Use

Though it has wonderful strengths and seems like it ought to be the answer for all conflicts, it is important to recognize that, like all styles, Cooperating has its limits.  Unwise or excessive use of Cooperating is likely to bring:
-  Fatigue, time loss, distraction from more important tasks. Not all conflicts merit the intense time and effort required to Cooperate. Applied to too many trivial issues, Cooperating backfires, as people weary of "too much processing".
-  Attempted without realistic awareness of the time and skills required, failure is likely and discouragement follows.
-  A bad name for "conflict resolution", "dialogue", "peace processes", etc., can result if Cooperating is pursued too long with an opponent who takes an unyielding Directing or Avoiding stance.    It is true that a Cooperating approach often brings out a Cooperating response in others, but it does not always do so.   If you persist anyway, you may damage the cause of peace by creating evidence it "doesn't work".

Steps to Maintain Balance

You can take special measures so you experience more of the benefits of wise use of Cooperating and fewer of the costs of unwise use:
- Expand your abilities to use other styles so you are less likely to over-use Cooperating.
- Choose carefully the issues for which you invest the effort required by Cooperating.  Make sure the issues matter enough, and your views are distant enough, to merit the use of this energy-intensive style.
- Learn to think in terms of timing and readiness.   Recognize when the skills and attitudes required for Cooperating are present,and when they are not, and choose your response style appropriately.  Sometimes it is better to use a different strategy for a while until you or others are ready for Cooperating.
-  If the conflict involves numerous people, plan the process together. Usually it it not hard to agree on with whom, where, when, in what sequence things will be discussed. This "agreement on the process" will ease the discussion.

Support Strategies for Cooperating

Each style benefits from certain Support Strategies that other people can take. You may wish to discuss with friends and colleagues those suggestions below that you would you particularly like others to know about and use with you:
-  Feeling heard helps all styles, but Cooperators respond particularly well to efforts to structure conversation around listening. Hear them out fully and you are likely to be surprised at how well even an angry Cooperator will listen in response. If you know the skill of "active listening" or paraphrasing, use it.
-  Most Cooperators respect directness and candor in others , so long as it is polite. Saying what you want and need will be appreciated by a Cooperator, particularly if you manage to say it in an attitude of "providing information about what matters most to me" rather than criticizing or making demands.
-  Stay connected and do not back off too quickly from your own views. Harmonizers and Avoiders, in particular, need to make effort to resist the temptation to back off from an assertive Cooperator. Yes, Cooperators do speak out, but they see their own expression of views as only one part of the process.  They truly want to hear other views too.  If you are silent or too quick to agree, the Cooperator ends up feeling like a Director, which is not at all the intention.
-  Bring a blend of task and relationship focus to the conversation.  Affirm work well done
-  Like the Directing style, Cooperators particularly appreciate information about what is going on, and tend to become anxious or upset if others pull away without signalling their intentions. Withdrawing if you need space is fine, so long as you give a clear explanation that you are committed to ongoing conversation, such as, "I want to go for a walk for half an hour to think things through. Then I'll come back and we can talk some more."
-  An Avoider who needs to step back and prepare inwardly for a difficult conversation being proposed by a Cooperator might say, "I want you to know that I recognize we need to talk this through.  I want to be at my best when we do that, and I'd like to ask that we plan to discuss it tomorrow at 2 after the staff meeting."
-  A Harmonizer who is overwhelmed with a first round of conversation (Cooperators tend to have a lot of energy for long processing of issues and to assume that everyone else does as well.) might say to a high-energy Cooperator, "I'm really worn out by this last half hour of discussion. Could we agree to take a break and continue tomorrow evening?" (A really self-aware and confident Harmonizer might take steps to meet his or her own needs by adding: "And could we plan to spend the first 15 minutes just drinking coffee and catching up a little on our lives? That would help me to feel connected to you as a human being before we dive into this decision again."

Your Lowest Score in Calm is in the Avoiding Style

This suggests that in the early stages of conflict, when it's just an everyday disagreement and things have not yet gotten emotional or terribly frustrating, you rarely use Avoiding. This is good in that it enables you to avoid possible weaknesses of the Avoiding style, such as serious damage to long-term relationships due to a backlog of unresolved issues.

But every style has strengths that you need to use in certain circumstances. You will be most effective in conflict if you are able to use all five styles when the circumstances require. Since you seem to be uncomfortable with Avoiding, you can probably expand your conflict handling ability by taking a good look at this style and increasing your ability to use it.

In Avoiding, you respond to differences by withdrawing from interaction. Neither person gets what they want; you just drop the topic or withdraw. Although it's not the answer for all circumstances, Avoiding is wise, indeed, necessary at times.  For example:
-  When the topic is too trivial to merit the energy and hassle of argument.
-  When the conflict is with someone you have no long-term relationship with and the issue is small.  Why waste your energy?
-  When you don't have the time and energy required to talk things through and you're not willing to cooperate with the preferences of the other person.  Giving in and accepting what the other person wants, of course, is also a way out of an argument, but there are times when giving is not a good choice, and it is better to avoid instead.
-  When it might be dangerous physically or emotionally to get in an argument.
-  When the other person is more powerful than you and refuses to acknowledge important concerns that you hold.
-  When you need time to think things through, gather more information, etc., in preparation for discussion another time.

The styles you scored high in are valuable and you should continue to use them as needed. But you may wish to experiment with getting more comfortable with Avoiding, especially when the issues are trivial and/or the relationship is not important to you.

Your Storm Shift is 9, Which is Large and Merits Careful Attention

Your scores in Calm reflect your behavior in dealing with differences when anger and frustration are low. Your scores in Storm reflect your behavior when things are not going as you wish, when you are frustrated and probably angry. Your "Storm Shift" is the change in your behavior from Calm to Storm. As a general principle, the bigger your Storm Shift, the more attention you should pay to it, for a large Storm Shift means that other people are probably surprised, shocked, or hurt by unexpected changes in your behavior. In your case, your Storm Shift of 9 points in the Harmonizing style is on the high end of the scale. This suggests a high likelihood that people close to you are surprised or hurt by your response to difficult conflict, since you appear to respond quite differently in Storm than in Calm settings. You will benefit from reading the suggestions on the Riverhouse website about Weathering the Storm Shift and inviting others who know you well to give you feedback about what they observe in your behavior when you are in Storm settings.

For Further Study

You can gain important additional insights from resources on the Riverhouse ePress site:

A set of principles and suggested Learning Activities to assist in understanding your scores.
Guidelines for Weathering the Storm Shift, a special concern if you have a large shift from Calm to Storm in any of your leading styles.
Tips on choosing the right style, so you know when and when not to use each style.
Support strategies for each style, important information that will help you not only to understand your own needs in conflict but also to know exactly how to support other people with different styles. You can easily create a list of support strategies tailored to your own specific needs at the MySupport page.
A review of key concepts of Anger Management
A summary of the principles underlying conflict style management and this inventory.
A set of discussion questions for groups large or small wanting to reflect on conflict styles.
An essay on culture and conflict.
A large number of web resources on conflict styles.
The link to a PDF file copy of Style Matters so you can print out a hard copy of the print version of this inventory.

If you have gotten this far, you are already well beyond 99% of human beings in the effort you have invested in understanding and strengthening your response to conflict. Someday, we may live in a world when it is recognized that everyone benefits from learning a few basics for handling conflict, just as today it is taken for granted that learning to read is a basic for everyone. We salute you for the steps you have taken and wish you well in your efforts to build that world!