Each of the five styles has its own preferred way of dealing with conflict. Style Matters gives you "hot tips" for each style that get you through difficulties that blocked you in the past. Here are sample tips for three of the styles: How to bring out the best in someone who scores high in Directing

• People who use the Directing style a lot are usually task oriented.  They are often highly productive and concerned to get the job done.    Engage them and let them know you are committed to getting the job done or resolving the issue satisfactorily.  
• If you need time to think things through or cool down, they are usually fine if you ask for this, so long as you indicate clearly a commitment to returning to resolve things.  You will get a more positive response if you state specifically when you will come back (e.g., in an hour, or tomorrow at nine o’clock, etc).
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How to bring out the best in someone who scores high in Avoiding

• Avoiders benefit more than any other style from an offer to give them time and/or space to withdraw and think things through. You are much more likely to get a “yes” answer about anything you need from them if you use a “two-step” approach. The first step is to let Avoiders know you want something from them and you’d like them to think about this. Then come back later – an hour, a day, a week - and hear their response.
• Stay low-key.   The more intense or demanding you are, the more likely the Avoider will go into major withdrawal.
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How to bring out the best in someone who scores high in Harmonizing

• Harmonizers want to please and be pleased.  Pay attention to small social niceties.   More than any other style, Harmonizers will be positively affected by gestures of thoughtfulness – a kind note, an appreciative comment, flowers, a chocolate bar, a card, etc.  
• You will get more cooperativeness in doing serious work with Harmonizers if you use a two-step approach.  First, connect with them at a human level (ask how they are doing, inquire about a family member, tease a little, thank them for something, etc.), Then, and only then, settle down to business.  The human connection always comes before work for Harmonizers (an insight that is especially difficult for task-oriented Directors to remember).
• Stay light, light, light.  Seriousness or heaviness in others quickly stirs anxiety in Harmonizers and makes it hard for them function well. Use humor. Appreciate their good qualities out loud.   
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And that's only the beginning! Get more tips on each of the above three styles plus the other two. Style Matters gives you the information you need to work with the people you care about! (And, helps you communicate clearly and constructively what you need to others!

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